A loser can be described in a number of ways, and some will anoint themselves with that label while others will have that label used against them.
Within these 6 things that losers do consistently we will look at the causes and effects of these conditions.
There is a circular relationship between actions that reinforce beliefs and beliefs that lead to actions, both ways work simultaneously in humans and it is often difficult to detect the true causes as they happen at an incredibly swift pace.
Therefore there are typically two things that create a loser.
Being in a challenging environment
Thinking like a loser
There are a number of situations that would create difficulties for an individual and one of the social principles of influence is relevant here, this principle is called ‘Liking’ and it means that people will tend to like people that are like them in some way.
People will typically look for sameness, complementariness, rapport or things in common in order to build relationships.
- Sameness is based around similarities in areas that align with the values of the individuals
- Complementariness is similar to a jigsaw puzzle, where the pieces are not always the same, but they fit nicely together
- Rapport can thrive in conflict, competition and rivalry that can build a level of mutual respect
- Things is common can be shared by people and groups that are vastly different
So now we will get into the 6 things that losers do consistently.
1. Losers believe lies told to them by their enemies
An example that perfectly explains this point was laid explained over 2500 years ago by a storyteller who was known as ‘The Aethiop’ and today he is known as Aesop.
The Old Lion and The Fox
An old Lion, whose teeth and claws were so worn that it was not so easy for him to get food as in his younger days, pretended that he was sick. He took care to let all his friends know about it, and then lay down in his cave to wait for visitors. And when they came to offer him their sympathy, he ate them up one by one.
The Fox came too, but he was very cautious about it. Standing at a safe distance from the cave, he inquired politely after the Lion’s health. The Lion replied that he was very ill indeed, and asked the Fox to step in for a moment. But Master Fox very wisely stayed outside, thanking the Lion very kindly for the invitation.
“I should be glad to do as you ask,” he added, “but I have noticed that there are many footprints leading into your cave and none coming out. Please tell me, how do your visitors find their way out again?”
Take warning from the misfortunes of others.
There probably isn’t much more to say than what has been said in that fable.
At the same time the applications of that fable are not just limited to talking animals.
If your enemy invites you to do something, then understand that it may not be in your best interests to conform.
You should read and re-read that previous statement until you fully understand the meaning of it.
Gullible people unfortunately get slaughtered through deception, trickery, propaganda and lies.
The ancient Chinese philosophers had a series of stratagems from the Book of Qi in the 5th and 6th centuries AD. The one that applies in this instance is ‘Hide a knife behind a smile’ and unfortunately losers fall for the hollow words of those who intend to hurt them.
This does not mean that you should be sceptical of everyone and everything, however you should look to understand the nature of individuals and organizations. Often there are patterns of behaviour that should be analysed and studied, and although you cannot predict the future, Mark Twain summed this point up when he said, ‘history does not repeat itself, but it rhymes.’
Another thing to think about is that if someone can switch allegiances against someone else, then they can easily switch allegiances against you when it suits them.
2. Losers think in terms of greed and destructive short-term pleasures
It must be said at the beginning that there is nothing really wrong with short-term pleasures; however if they lead to destructive behaviour and consequences that affect others then there is something wrong, unless the individual has a desire to hurt himself or herself.
It has been said that the greatest enemy that we will ever face is the enemy within, and the real sign of mastery is self-mastery. Losers will never ever understand this and will continue to destroy their opportunities to achieve success whilst blaming other people and organizations for their failures in life.
There are many ways in which people can lose control of themselves to create losing situations. Often behaving like a loser is a result of trying to deal with negative situations or states of mind.
Some of the things that can create or perpetuate the habits of a loser would be: Excessive alcohol, excessive drugs, excessive unhealthy food, unmanageable debt, incontinent behaviour in relationships and towards oneself, a lack of purpose, and other destructive practices.
Often a person will know that they are doing things to sabotage their success, and for a number for reasons they will not change their behaviour.
There are those who cannot change their behaviour and there are those who will not change their behaviour.
One of the things that separate winners from losers is their ability to think and plan for long-term goals. Lao Tzu can surmise this philosophy in the quote.
“Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach him how to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.” – Lao Tzu
If a person is controlled by immediate passions and is unable to plan or think for the future then their ability to take control of their life is in doubt.
The Kemetic (Egyptian) philosopher Ptahhotep who flourished in the 3rd millennium BCE wrote what is currently known as the oldest text in the world, and within that contains some of the most valuable advice to distinguish a winner from a loser. He wrote, ‘He who is ruled by his appetite belongs to the enemy.’
3. Losers have a weak self-image
The self-image is arguably the most distinguishing factor between winners and losers. The self-image is real and intangible at the same time. It is real in the sense that it controls the behaviour and identity of a person, and intangible because it cannot be touched or felt.
Losers are constantly wrestling feelings of insecurity and they show their negative feelings in a number of ways.
The remedy for a weak self-image is to strengthen the self-image. We have an article that you can see here to strengthen the self-image – http://anisometric-inc.com/how-to-ignite-the-power-of-the-self-image/
Also you can visit here for a more thorough version of how to build a stronger self-image – http://anisometric-inc.com/the-principle-of-control/
Losers never learn from their mistakes or the mistakes of others
Everyone at some point makes mistakes, however only losers continually make the same mistakes without learning from them.
It is a strange situation when you find that a person or organization keeps repeating the same mistakes perpetually.
There are a number of reasons for this unfortunate situation
- Insufficient knowledge
- Deeply engrained habits & behaviour
- Fear of success / self sabotage
- Lack of skills
Within this area there may be reasons for insufficient knowledge
- An unwillingness to learn
- Difficulties in absorbing and retaining information
- A lack of access to information
The first two are correlated with psychological conditions and the last one is related to other factors that could include a lack of resources or being in a controlled or repressive environment.
Each one should be looked at in detail to understand how they relate to the topic of losing. Having said that, the reasons mentioned are symptoms and not causes. For the causes we would have to look deeper into the history of the individual in order to fully understand why these things happen in that way.
Deeply engrained habits & behaviour
“Sow an act, and you reap a habit. Sow a habit and you reap a character. Sow a character and you reap a destiny.” – James Allen
Although habits can be broken, it is likely that once a habit is formed then a person will continue in that way until they die. This can be strange even when a person may understand that their habits are detrimental to their health.
A simple question to ask would be, why would a person act in a way that leads to their demise or destruction?
The psychologist Richard Bandler observed that even destructive behaviours provided a benefit at some level for an individual.
Can this really be true?
Can a person that injects themselves with lethal drugs and derive pleasure from it? Of course they can.
Can a person that cuts and mutilates their body get pleasure from it? Of course they can.
Can a person that kills other people get pleasure from it? Of course they can. There are a number of monuments and temples that have been built in honour of those who have taken pride in killing others.
The General Napoleon Bonaparte once noted that ‘men will die for ribbons.’
Even when a person decides to commit suicide it would be because they perceive death to be a more pleasurable condition than the life that they are living.
Fear of success / self sabotage
A fear of success can be manifested in a number of ways.
One way would be to reject the idea of success. This is perfectly encapsulated in the Aesop fable of ‘The Fox and The Grapes.’ When the fox could not reach the grapes then the fox said, ‘those grapes are sour anyway.’ This is a way to reframe and reinforce the behaviour of a loser.
It is easy to find a loser by the way that they will describe their situation or reality. This fear of success will make sure that the individual will think negatively about their ability to achieve success.
Self-sabotage works in relation to the behaviours of the individual when they will deliberately ruin their chances of success because of one or more reasons that would provide a form of pain to the individual.
A common thing that losers will do is that they will create concepts and belief systems that exist to ‘hold them down’ or to ‘oppress’ them.
The truth is that if a person believes something strongly enough then they will behave in those ways that make those beliefs real.
The general Sun Tzu said that, ‘Every battle is won or lost before it’s ever fought.’
If a person does not understand that last statement then it is very likely that they will be a loser until the day that they die.
Lack of skills
A lack of skills is the result of a lack of ambition, or a lack of competency or a lack of opportunity.
Skills are essential for being able to progress in any area of life, and the more that a person can cultivate skills the more freedom and success that they will be able to obtain.
5. Losers adopt ideologies and belief systems that weaken or destroy themselves
A clear mind is essential for success, and the ability to focus on the most important goal will make all the difference between winners and losers.
Unfortunately we live in various societies where different people and groups have hidden and overt agendas to influence or control the mind of people to behave in certain ways, and in a number of circumstances these methods lead to the destruction of a healthy personality for the individual.
The methods of doing this have become more sophisticated over the past few centuries and in a large number of instances the person ‘desires’ to conform and engage in these behaviours.
I will list a few ideologies to show, at the same time it is important to note that although these lead to the destruction of the individual they also provide a short-term psychological benefit for the individual so that they can justify their beliefs.
- Gang culture
- Religious fanaticism
- Excessive debt / credit
- Drug abuse
- Reckless activity
It is also important to point out that these behaviours are symptoms of other issues that lie deeper within the background and culture of the individual.
Unfortunately there are some people who are almost destined to be losers from the day that they are born and through no fault of their own, but through the circumstances and environments that they find themselves in.
The remedy is to become aware of the situation and have the desire to change their situation. Once the desire is strong enough then the behaviours will change, regardless of the amount of knowledge that the individual has.
Losers never take responsibility for their results
To take responsibility is the ultimate act of power because it is the area where a person is able to have complete control no matter what happens in the market, economy, or actions of other people.
There is a certain amount of fear to deal with because we cannot be sure of the future regardless of how well organised or prepared we are.
For a number of reasons many people cannot or will not take responsibility for their actions and will always look to a person or force outside of themselves to do the work for them and unfortunately this approach will never work in the long-term because the other thing that can be controlled is our own thoughts, and even then much of our ‘own thoughts’ our created by other people and organisations that have had an influence since we were children.
The tragic thing that happens to losers is that they lose not because they are foolish, although some are extremely foolish. Instead many lose because they listen to the beliefs and suggestions of others that go against their internal gut instincts and thoughts.
If a person is waiting to be ‘saved’ then they will be waiting a very long time, and in the meantime they will lack the necessary drive to solve their own situations and provide better outcomes for their future.
Many losers will even make excuses for those that abuse and oppress them, and blame themselves. This behaviour could have a plethora of causes such as violence, manipulation, self-hatred, low self-esteem, cultural biases, media influences and more. Therefore there are external and internal influences that losers adhere to, and unfortunately they end up lying to themselves about things that deep down they know are not true.